The 2006 Stephen Awards are coming

Well 2006 is almost over. I have been very busy lately.

I have also been working on finalizing the Stephen awards for 2006. For those of you who don’t know what the Stephen awards are I am acknowledging the best of the best of 2006. The winner of each category will be listed here in the next day or so will receive much praise and accolades.

There have been a lot of folk lobbying for Stephen awards and I am willing to admit I am not above reproach. Hey I am a dog I have limited sources of income and am still trying to raise money to pay off my A for the seatbelt incident. If you are really looking to sway my vote your way please use small denomination bills. Take the bills put them in a sack and leave them next to the tree stump in my front yard. I will be checking the tree stump at 6:30am tomorrow morning.

I need to get back to finalizing the awards, there is much to do and little time to do it. Hopefully my A will go to bed early tonight so I can use his computer. I have a long night ahead of me hopefully I won’t run out of dog biscuits and coffee. Yeah I taught myself how to use the coffee pot last week. I am really smart you know. I actually don’t like coffee but it does help me stay awake. Well I need to get back to work.

Sorry I it has taken me so long to post an update.

Unfortunately I was unable to capture a deer for Santa. I tried but they must have known what I was up to because none of them came within range. I even used my deer call and they still would not come close enough.

I guess Santa figured I was a good guy after all because I got some really neat stuff. I got some tennis balls that squeak. I love things that squeak. Maybe I will even play fetch with them but I doubt it. As much as my A really wants me to like to play fetch it really does not do much for me. He tries to get me into it but I just don’t feel the love for the game.

I got this really cool stuffed duckbill platypus. It has these little egg things inside that squeak. I really like things that squeak. I could and sometimes do play with my squeaky toys for hours. Sometimes I like to play music for my A with my squeaky toys. I can play chop sticks and most of Mozart’s Horn Concerto #4. I am getting really good.

The coolest thing I got for Christmas was this dog puzzle. It is a Plush tree stump and you have your people put these little stuffed squeaky squirrels inside it and you have to figure out how to get the squirrels out. I really like squeaky toys and any opportunity to chew on a squirrel’s head is a good time. Anyway this puzzle thing was kind of hard till I figured it out. It took me about 10 min but I figured out that if I chewed one of the openings in it a little bigger I could get the squirrels out really easy. My A thinks I just chewed it up because I like to chew stuff but really I was solving the puzzle. It never said I could not chew the tree stump piece apart. My best time for pulling all 3 squirrel’s out is now 22 seconds. I think that is pretty good.

Now I have to get ready for New Years. I hope I get some cool New Years gifts

Witness

Witnesses

Today was a pretty good day. I got to take a nice long walked an played with Both Joey and Clyde. I got to play with Joey for a long time because my A was playing hockey with Joey’s K and R. I can’t wait till my A starts teaching them how to check.

After my walk some Jehovah’s Witnesses showed up. My A always asks me how come I never bark at the witnesses. Well witnesses are men of god and I don’t want to upset god. Now I am not saying the Jehovah’s witnesses are right but, I am not taking any changes. I also like to watch them talk to my A. My A is way to polite to tell them to go away so he talks to them to be nice.

I think it is funny because my A tries to get them off their game. I just sit there and watch while they try to define things like time. If god is all power and omnipresent how come it took him 6 days to create heaven and earth? If god is all knowing how can time even exist since with out predestination how can god know the future?

If we know the universe is ever expanding does that mean, since god is everywhere he is expanding also. Maybe god just had to many Christmas milk bones like me. Seriously if god is expanding what is he expanding into?

I witnesses I think the lead guys name is Martin try to answer this stuff but usually then saying “That is a good question can we come back when we get an answer”

New Hair cut (It will grow back)

Alright so what do you think of my new hair cut. Yesterday I had my doubts. I think I look better in long hair. The short cut does have some advantages thought. I was timing my sprints around the house and I am a full second faster now. I think it has to do with my new cut having less wind resistance.

I have been running sprints around the house since I was six months old. My A and R think it‘s weird but I am just trying to be the fastest dog on the block. My PR is not 18.25seconds. As soon as Fenway and Joey get stop watches I will know who is fastest.

The short hair is also going to enable me to more easily sneak up on things in the dark. Maybe I will finally be able to bag one of those deer that walk through my yard at night. Every night I try to catch them but they are very fast. Tonight I think I have a chance though I feel good, I feel fast, I am confident. I just need to convince my A to let me out at 11pm tonight. That is when the deer usually come by. Those guys are in for such a shock when I come flying out of the woods and tackle them. I can’t wait to see the look on my A’s face when he realizes I caught a deer and am keeping it in the basement.

I really think the basement is the best place for me to keep my deer. I am going to give the deer to Santa when he shows up. I am sure Santa will need help pulling his sleigh, what with his reindeer getting old. That has got to be huge points. I don’t see how Santa could give me coal if I gave him a brand new wild deer to pull his sleigh. For bonus points I might even paint my deer’s nose red. Nah you know what I won’t, the Rudolph story is kind of silly.

If Santa can make a sleigh that can fly and can make toys for all the little girls and boys in the world, why does he need a reindeer with a red nose. Can’t the elves build a flashlight or even better radar for the sleigh. Santa has got to have sleighdar. I bet he just felt bad for Rudolph and gave him a job so he could feel important. I am cool with that, even Santa needs Karma. Too bad the story got so blown out of proportion though. Rudolph lead a sleigh it is not like he cured cancer, if he cured cancer I could understand all the fame.

Grooming

Whew what a day. Today my A took me to get my hair cut. We went to the same place I go to daycare. When we got there we meet Amanda the groomer and she asked us how we would like my hair cut. My A said just trim it and don’t make it look stupid.

After my A dropped me off Amanda went to work. Apparently my hair was a little bit matted. My hair is really hard to cut anyway but Amanda had to cut it pretty short to get through the mats. I am like a matting machine my A and R try to bush me to prevent the mats but I am an unstoppable matter.

At 7:45 pm I got to go home. It had been 4 hours. Man having your hair cut for 4 hours is crazy. I don’t really want to do that again. I am sure I will look awesome but right now I think it is a little short and I feel kind of self conscious about it. I am posting a picture of me today right before I went to get my hair cut. Tomorrow I will post my post hair cut picture. The price of beauty is way too high. I am so glad I am not a show dog those guys are always getting groomed. Maybe that is why Conner is such a punk.

Amanda said I was very good so hopefully I earned some Santa points today.

I hope those squirrel punks don’t make fun of my new hair cut.

Busy

Sorry for the lack of Updates I have been busy I will get one out by the close of Buisness today.
FYI dog buisness closes at 11pm

A-Frame

Woo Hoo I did it. Last night I had agility class and as you all know I have been struggling with the A-frame. Mike the instructor guy was supposed to put it really low but he forgot. He always forgets I think he needs to take better notes because he promised me it would be low this week.

Last night I got to the A-frame and took 4 steps onto it. I think it kind of shocked my A usually I don’t go up at all or I just put 2 paws on it. Anyway all of a sudden this really good food showed up so I ate it. The some lady came over and more really good food showed up. The food was awesome I finally looked up from the food and I was on top of the A-frame. I don’t know how it happened but once I got up getting down was easy. I slid a little but it was ok.

The next time my A asked me to do it I just ran over the A-frame. It was actually kind of fun. I did really well last night and was pretty proud of myself. I do have to admit that Conner did ok, he did not even pee on the floor last night. Nice job not peeing on yourself Conner you punk!

I wonder if Santa will give me any points for the A-frame? Unfortunately I think I am still on the Coal track.

Season Pass, Check

8 Days to go.

So today I was thinking my A snowboards a lot and usually when he goes I get left at home. I don’t like staying home so I started to think about why. I think it is because I don’t have a season pass anywhere and both he and my R do. Well today I fixed that. I was able to take my A’s season pass and create my own from it. Now next time he goes snowboarding I will be able to go with him.

Ok it is wrong to counterfeit a season pass however it is an American Ski Company pass. They are evil, really I mean it they are definitely evil. How can you charge $7 for a cheeseburger? I mean really $7 come on, or how about the $3.50 for a 16oz Gatorade. I might expect those prices at McMurdo station but not in Maine or NH. There are roads to those places so it is not like they have to fly supplies in. It is not really even hard to get to these mountains you should see some of the car the snowboard punks drive. They look like they are held together with bumper stickers. Really ASC is just ripping people off because they can. If they think they can get $7 for a cheeseburger imagine what they would charge to a bowl of kibble.

Lift tickets are ridiculous also $67/day for Sunday river come on, that is more expensive that Whistler Blackcomb. If the mountains were equivalent it would be ok but that is like comparing your high school cafeteria lady to Gilbert Pepin of Restaurant 902 Main.

Really with all this price gouging they must have an awesome business plan to be able to lose an average of $200,000,000/year. Maybe not trying to bleed their customers dry might be a better business model. What do I know though I am just a dog.

It is weird that ASC sets their price the way they do and they has the allforone pass http://www.allforonepass.com/ Which is actually a really good deal if you ski a lot.


So anyway I am pretty sure Santa is not going to hold this one against me. Now I can’t wait for it to snow.

10

10 Days to go.

Today a pretty slow day. My A took the day off from work and he and I went to get some Christmas presents for our R. We got some really good stuff. My R really likes to try and figure out all her gifts before Christmas so we have to be careful. We had to ask the neighbors to store some of them. They were very nice about it and said they would be happy to help. Although they did think it was funny that we had to hide presents from R.

Good news I did not get into any trouble at all today. I hope Santa was watching today. I am going to try and be even better tomorrow. Hopefully I will be able to swing some votes in my favor.

11 Days!!!

Yikes!!! There are only 11 days to Christmas as you all know I have had several setbacks. I think I am definitely on the coal track this year. I know Santa is a nice guy but man I need to do something quick to get into his good graces. I need a magnanimous event.

What I really need right now is for Timmy to fall down a well so I can go get help. I looked all around on my walk today and darn my luck no wells in sight. So it does not look like that is going to happen. Then I though maybe I could pull a baby from a burning building that is big points. I called the fire chief and he told me that they already had a firehouse dog so it looks like I am out of luck there.

I did try to rescue a cat from a tree today but it just climbed up higher so I think I actually made it worse. I hope that does not count against me but I am sure it will. Christmas is so hard. I need to figure something out. I just don’t know what. Maybe I should get a police scanner.

Where is baby Jessica when you need her?

Agility

Last night I went to agility class. I am getting really good. I got to the top of the dog walk last night then I froze. It was a new record for me so I am pretty happy with that. I also still need to work on the A-frame. I don’t like that thing at all. Mike ,he is the trainer guy promised he would set up the A-frame really low next week and guaranteed I would succ,eed. In fact he even gave me a money back guarantee.

I am not sure what to do with the money back guarantee. I need to get over the A-frame but that money could help me pay my A back. I think A would want me to go for the A- frame. So that is what I am going to do. Hopefully the licensing fees on “Nut Silo” will start rolling in soon.

During class Conner’s J asked my A if he groomed me himself. My A told her he did and she said she could tell. Conner’s J is a professional groomer. It kind of hurt my feeling because I know my A & R try to make me look good and I think I look pretty darn good. I know I am a little shaggy and not groomed perfect like those sissy show dogs. However I don’t pee on the floor like Conner did last night. That is right he peed on the floor. I have not peed on a floor in over a year. Come on really how gross is that. You can have as nice a hair cut as you want but I would think most people would still notice the giant yellow puddle you are standing in buddy. So back off!

Conner’s J did say she would groom me but when my A called today they were all booked till mid Jan. I am going to have my A give me a bath this weekend. Then I am going to get over the A-frame and show that Conner. That guy thinks he is so cool just because he can get over the A-frame. Hey Conner you climb like a squirrel ya punk.

Hanging out with Norman

This weekend my A and R went away so I got to stay with Norman. Norman rocks, he is old so he knows all kinds of cool stuff. He was the one who taught me how to get up on the couch and lot of other useful things. . I owe a lot to Norman. Thanks for letting me stay with you.

The weekend went pretty well Norman and I hung out had some meals together that was about it. Sometime we see who can drink the most water. Norman usually challenges me right after everyone leaves the house for a while. . I guess he does not like interruptions while he is drinking. So far I have won every single time by a lot, I don’t know why he keeps challenging me. I mean it is not even close I can drink way more water than Norman. I am not sure why he keeps telling me about Niagra falls and the Mississippi river after these contests.

I messed up though Norman’s people have a really nice Snowman collection and their Christmas tree it top notch. Well you know how I have been trying really hard to be good I sort of chewed a few snowmen and undecorated the tree a little bit. Norman tried to stop me but I did not listen. He also told me to tell the people that I was just baby proofing the house. It sounds like a good story but I am not going to compound my screw up with a lie. I did that once with the seat belt and it is eating me up inside.

I don’t know why I chewed the snowmen, they were not even that good. They taste kind of like cotton stuffing. I figured maybe they would taste more like a snow cone but really they don’t. Don’t be fooled snowmen taste awful and eating them will only get you into trouble.

I do feel really bad because I know Norman’s N really likes her snowmen and she was definitely not happy with me. She even yelled at me. I know I deserved it and I tried to say I was sorry but it did not work. I can’t believe I am messing up this big so close to Christmas. Santa is definitely going to bring me coal. The only good thing is that I am black so you won’t be able to tell if I get coal dust all over my fur.

Santa if your reading this don’t bring me coal. I will try harder. I can definitely do better. I am really a good boy, I have just had some setbacks lately.

Anyone got a Stamp

Dear Santa,

I know you are very busy getting ready for the upcoming Christmas season. I am sure you will do a great job this year like always.

I wanted to let you know that I have been very good this year. Yes I know there have been a few set backs. I know the seatbelt incident is going to count against me but I am working hard to rectify that. I have almost $5 saved towards replaying my A.

I am also going to include my schematics for “Nut Silo” this idea will revolutionize squirrel culture. I have already given the idea to my local squirrels but I thought you should have it to. I am sure you already know I am not a huge fan of squirrels as you well know those guys are punks. I am sure they are all on your naughty list. However I wanted to share my idea and show you that even though I can’t stand those guys I am trying to help them. I am sure this seems like an obvious attempt to garner your favor and well it is. Nut silo is such a huge idea though that I feel that I should get some credit for it. I don’t really want much lets just call it even for the seat belt incident.

I know I need to fess up to my A for the seat belt incident but I want to wait till I have the money before I do. Don’t worry I am gonna do it like I said I already have $5 saved. I don’t really have a job so money is a little hard to come but, I am dedicated to the cause though so I will get there. You can count on me Santa.

I don’t really want too much for Christmas. I am a little afraid I am going to get coal., which is why I am writing you. I know once you review the nut silo schematics you will see I am a good guy and will look past the seat belt incident.

Ok now onto my List.
I would really like a couple bones and some of those squeaky tennis balls. You know the ones they look like tennis balls but they squeak. I would also like a couple toys and maybe a new leash the one I have is a little too cute for me.

Also could you please bring something nice for Norman. I know he has been really really good this year.

Thanks
Your buddy

Stephen

P.S.

I will leave some cookies under the tree for you and try not to bark when you come down the chimney.

Sick :(

My A and R have been sick lately. I think they might have the flu or something. I feel bad for them. My A came home from work early yesterday. I told him not to even go in but he said he had way too much to do. He was able to come home around 4, we took a nap and I made sure he drank lots of juice. Sometimes I am so good. Santa I hope you got that.

So things have been kind of slow. You know how sometimes when you do things you know you should not but they are funny. Well my A usually lets me outside around 10:30 and then lets me in about 15min later and we go to bed. Usually my A brushes his teeth and stuff while I am outside. Well last night I decided I would not come back in when I was called. I kept running really fast past the door when my A called and would not come in. I kept doing this over and over again and eventually I got my A outside on the front lawn in his boxer shorts at like 11:20pm. Ha it was so funny he was out there just calling me and I would hide in the dark. I am black and hard to see like a ninja. I kept running out of the dark past him. It was so great. Joey was outside too and he was laughing. Although now Joey owes me $5, he thought I could not get A outside in the freezing cold in his boxers. Now I only need $275 to pay back A.

I know I should not have done it but I could not help myself and I made $5. I think I just lost all my points with Santa though. I better start being really good the next couple of weeks. I have about 20 days to get in good with Santa.

Trucks

Remeber how I told you I look sweet in the truck. Well Check me out. It was darks out when I took this picture so I don't have my shades on. Sometimes my A lets me drive around the neighborhood but I am not supposed to drive by myself. I think it has something to do with insurance and the fact that I don't have a license.

When I drive I like to aim for squirrels. Like I said I don't like those guys. They are just annoying and well I have yet to even get a simple thank you for my Nut silo idea. I mean really I am sure Eli Whitney and Louis Pasteur got thanked. I don't really even want much here I am giving away and idea that will revolutionize nut collecting and what do I get I get acorns dropped on my head. Damn Squirrels.

I sure hope Santa does not like squirrels.

Come on

It has come to my attention that some of you think my grammer and spelling leave a little bit to be desired. Well I would totally agree with you on that but I English is not my first language. I speak dog. Woof bark bark wooof.

Got that. I have to think everything through and translate it so you people can read it.

I don't mind but please don't pick on my grammar or spelling I try hard and hopefully I will get better.

I also generally write what comes to mind so at times I will skip from topic to topic. I happens I have a short attention span. Man squirrels are stupid they spend all that time collecting nuts and when winter comes they can never find them. Come on guys you should team up and build a giant nut silo, your nuts keep better.

I played with Joey at lunch today it was really cold out but A still took me. I told Joey about the seat belt and he thinks I should tell A. He also asked me how it tasted and I said it was ok but certainly not worth $280. I could get a heck of a lot of bones for that or maybe even a steak.

Do you think Santa knows I chewed the seat belt and let the squirrels take the blame. I don't really feel bad about the squirrels taking the blame. I gave them the nut silo idea free that it worth way more than seat belt blame. I hope Santa does not like squirrels. Anyway I bet he knows I was bad. I am going to get coal for sure.

I feel bad

This is a picture of the driver side seatbelt on my A't truck. He did not notice the other night and closed the seat belt in the door so the belt was left hanging out over night. Well today he got got the billl for having it fixed. It cost $28o YIKES!!!
A thinks squirrels chewed through but I know the truth. I did it!!

I don't know why it was just hanging out of the truck and I had to chew it. I love the truck it is a black Toyota tacmoa 4x4 and I look sweet in it but I could not stop myself from chewing the belt. I want to tell my A but I don't want him to think I was trying to hurt him. What is he got into an accident and the belt broke I could not live with myself. At least now it is fixed so I don't have to worry about him getting hurt. However I still feel bad I did not get into trouble for it but I almost wish my A would just figure out I did it and yell at me.

Don't get me wrong I am ok with the squirrels taking the rap those guys are punks but I don't want to lie to my A. I need to find a way to raise $280 so I can repay my A. If anyone has ideas let me know.

Rainy Day

Today there is not a lot going on. My A came home and let me out at lunch but it was raining so we did not take a walk. When we take walks I usually bump into at least one of my friends. My A will usually let me play for a while when we see my friends. Above I am playing with Joe and Fenway. Joe is a 7yr old black lab. He is build like a linebacker. Fenway is a Golden retriever who is about 8 months older than me. We usually don't all play together at the same time. Usually Joe stays in his yard and I go over there to play or I go to Fenway's house to play.

Joe has two little people in him house and sometime when we play we knock them over. It is kind of funny but except when they cry. Joe's S & R don't care to much but I know they don't like the crying.

There is not a lot going on with me today. Just hanging out and taking a nap today. Tonight when my people get home I am going to ask them to take to my store. I need more food and they think I need my nails cut. I really don't like getting my Nails cut but the store lady new Jen is nice and she does it for me. She is the only one I let cut my nails. My A used to do it but we got into a lot of fights about it so he lets New Jen do it. It works out better for all of us.