ss_blog_claim=bf53c2c2a6b5e4b759eb9b46babec032 Stephen the dog: Someone tried to kill me!!!!!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Someone tried to kill me!!!!!

Just when you think it is safe something like this happens. Yesterday there was an attempt made on my life. That is right someone tried to bump off me, Stephen TheDog. I know what you are thinking who would want to hurt that cute dog that writes the funny ODD. Well it is true someone tried to rub out the #1 dog Odder on the planet.

I don’t really understand the motivation behind it, perhaps it is jealousy or perhaps just plain mean spiritedness. I don’t really know, what I do know is that heads are gonna roll. I can not sit idly by and allow someone to make an attempt on my life. I have contacted the local authorities and they ensure me that I am over reacting and that there is nothing they can do.

It is very sad that when you finally have a need to call your local Police Department, they tell you to relax, that you will be fine and they are sorry but they can not help you. Well you know what I am sorry too I don’t think I can pay my dog licensing fees anymore if this is the type of service I am going to get. Their job is to protect and serve, right now I feel neither protected or served.

So here is how it happened. As you know lately the weather has been super hot here in Barkington we have been seeing temperatures in the 90’s. In fact my A and R have been running the AC at night which they almost never do. I think it is mostly because they are cheap but lately it has been hot enough for them to run it all night. I guess when it is 84 in your house it is ok to spend $.45/hr to run the air conditioning.

As you know I spend a lot of time driving around in the truck with my A. We go all kinds of fun places like the lake, or to my A’s parents to swim in the pool or to day care. All of these things require me to sit in the truck which I like. My A is very good about making sure I don’t get too hot. You know that a parked car in the sun can quickly get hot enough to fry a dogs brain. Yes in addition to god not giving me opposable thumbs he also forgot the sweat glands. He was so close to perfection and yet he leaves out these two little items. I guess if I lived in the arctic in an area with no doors it would be less of a big deal but here in Barkington DE opposable thumbs and sweat glands would be a big help.

I recently tried to apply for considerations under the American’s with disabilities act but was rebuffed. Apparently according to the Govt I am not supposed to have opposable thumbs or sweat glands. Lets seem one of those Govt hacks try sitting in a parked car at noon on a hot day with no sweat glands and no opposable thumbs to open the doors. I bet they would not last 10 min. It might explain the TARP program though.

Last wed my A and I were taking a ride. I don’t really remember where we were going but I do remember it was really hot in the car. My A had the AC on but the car just kept getting hotter and hotter. I remember thinking oh no I am gonna fry my brain. My A turned the AC all the way up but it still kept getting hotter. I was panting like crazy. Imagine yourself sitting in a hot car on a sunny day wearing a black fur coat and your only way to cool off being your tongue. Believe me it is not fun. This went on for about 10min with it getting hotter and hotter, I was starting to get dizzy and I could almost hear my brain beginning to sizzle.

Fortunately my A gave up on the AC and opened the windows. I was able to stick my head out and start cooling down. Thank goodness my A was there to roll down the windows or I would have been a gonner. I would have rolled them down myself but the truck has old fashioned window cranks and as I mentioned before I don’t have opposable thumbs.

I assumed the AC in the truck was just broken that is until we went to get it fixed.
My A dropped the truck off to have the AC motor fixed. A couple of hours later the mechanic called back and told my A the problem was the air conditioning ducts were stuffed full of fiberglass insulation thus rendering the AC inoperable. Who would stuff insulation in the duct work of a truck? Hmm after so digging I was able to determine it was mice. Yes MICE filled up the ducts in the truck with insulation rendering the AC inoperable and almost frying my brain.

I can not believe the audacity of those mice. Generally I stick up for the mice but no more. My policy is you make one attempt on my life and I will make darn sure you don’t get another shot. I have found another use for Nut Silo since the squirrels don’t seem to all that interested. (apparently squirrels are very short sighted) Yup that is right mouse silo. Yes I know it is a little sadistic but those guys tried to kill me I am sure a couple weeks in the mouse silo will teach them a lesson.


At August 4, 2009 at 3:18:00 PM EST , Anonymous Wheeler Images said...

Wow Stephen!

You know, you see those cartoon mice and you never think that those high jinx could be for real.

Your blog today was a revelation, and I will definitely keep a sharp eye out.

Have your A and R given any thought to getting you a cat of your own? Sort of like a bodyguard...

Maybe in the interim, you could get a cat loan from


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