Detroit can it make its own Weather?
Dear Mayor Kilpatrick,
I am sure you are unaware but recently I have been doing some research into weather specifically the phenomenon called thunder. You see I am a dog and many of us dogs are afraid of thunder. My goal is to create an artificial thunderstorm so that I can study it. Once I understand thunder maybe I can make the world a little safer. There are just not enough beds out there for all us dog to hide under.
Recently I completed some experiments using warm and cold air massed in my house when my owners were not at home. This did not work so I wrote to some weather guys. I figured these guys went to weather college so they must be smart and maybe they can help me.
What do you think a good grade in weather college is? Do Weather Professors give out exams and say guys need to try really harder on this exam I am looking for you to get 40% of the answers right. How do you grade people trying to go into a profession that is statistically wrong about 60% of the time? I don’t get it.
Anyway weather guys Pete and Tim were nice enough to write me back. I have included their responses below. I can not follow Tim’s suggestion and move to Texas however Pete suggested I need an area the size of a city so I though of Detroit.
I know things have been tough for Detroit lately. With US auto industry in a down turn, I was thinking perhaps Detroit could become known for something other than cars. What I propose is that I attempt to make my artificial thunderstorm in Detroit. Imagine the public relations boon. Come to Detroit we make our own weather!
I would be happy to pose for publicity shots with you. Nothing gets votes like posing with a dog. Just ask Richard Nixon.
What I need to do is create 2 very large air masses one cold and one warm and moist. Once these air masses are created I will need to make them collide and bam we should have ourselves a thunderstorm. I will be able to get my data and Detroit will be able to say it can create its own weather.
I see it as a win win.
Please let me know if you would like to proceed. Currently I have contacted no other cities. Detroit is my first choice. My second choice is St Louis but I would much prefer your fine city.
Thanks for you time Mayor Kilpatrick.
Would it be possible to get an autographed photo?
Stephen the Dog
Response from Weather Guy Pete
You're no relation to Snoop Dogg are you??
Anyway "Stephen", a couple of rooms in a house is WAAAY too small. The
only thing you're making is a haven for mold. You need to get an area
the size of a city to accommodate a thunderstorm. While your experiment
made simple condensation, thunderstorms are composed of updrafts and
downdrafts that transport huge volumes of air that feed the cloud
moisture and create the static electricity for lightning.
On that same thread, vaporizors won't make anything but frozen
condensation, better known as frost. You need to get out an air
compressor, some handy pipe fittings and connect the garden hose to make
homegrown snow. The tools and procedure are all online. Just Google it.
Now that we have a "paws" in the busy weather pattern, I'll send your
picture out soon.
Thanks for the giggle.
Response from Weather guy Tim
Good Start Stephen
You just need to add a 60 Knot wind Near the Ceiling and a 20 Knot wind, from a different direction, near the floor. We need to create rapid up draft, so the electrons fly off the condensing H2O, it gets rather complicated..
Better off moving to Texas.