Matches do not Taste like Chicken

It has been one of those days, long and kind of boring. I was home today with not much to do other than watch tv and eat stuff. I am not supposed to eat stuff but sometimes I like to pretend I am on a deserted island and starving to death. You never know when the ability to eat socks will save your life.


Well today I was walking around the house thinking about what I would eat if my A never came home. If only I had opposable thumbs I could open the refrigerator or even better open the door and go outside and play. Unfortunately god did not bless me with thumbs so I am stuck inside. I did notice a box of matches sitting on a table. I figured matches are made of wood which is like a plant. I like to eat grass so maybe wood might be ok plus, I was in the mood for something spicy. So I tried a few of them. I picked up the box and carried it over to my bed.

I like to eat stuff on my bed because what is my A gonna do if I he catches me? Send me to bed? Ha I am already on my bed! Anyway I started to eat the matches, in case you are wondering they do not taste like chicken, in fact they are kind of gross. I got through like 3 of them and decided I don’t like matches. I wonder if my poop will be inflammable now?

No that is not a typo Jimmie357, inflammable means capable of being set on fire. I understand you have developed quite a sense of self worth what with recently being elected king of your Mom’s basement and all. However I would appreciate it if you did a little more research before telling me I am wrong.

How cool would it be to go take a poop on Mr. Mailboxes front steps and have it catch fire when he steps on it. Hmm maybe eating matches is a better idea then I thought. I might have to research this further. Does anyone have any water? I have this weird sulfur taste in my mouth I can’t get rid of. Ha