ss_blog_claim=bf53c2c2a6b5e4b759eb9b46babec032 Stephen the dog: Move offline.com

Monday, November 19, 2007

Move offline.com


Dear Dick & Tommy:


It has come to my attention that you are running around the Internet
stirring up trouble. This is not necessarily a bad thing however I am
a little concerned with how you are doing things. It seems that
there are some similarities about between the two of you and me. In fact so much
so that Drew over at the Benspark thought I might actually be you.
You should be so lucky Sir. You are not me nor will you ever be me.

Your blog is ludicrous. The whole concept of having an online blog to
get people to move offline is dumb. Do you realize you are a
hypocrite? I am sure you were going for irony there but I think you
missed. According to Alanis irony is more like a free ride when you
already paid, not being a blogger when you hate bloggers. Your way is
nowhere near as melodic.

You are a person, you have opposable thumbs and are treated like an
equal by society. Why are you so bitter? I am a dog with no
opposable thumbs, I have to work super hard to find opportunities and
when I find them I am often denied simply because I am a dog. You my
friend have had the world handed to you on a silver platter. If I had
half the opportunities you did I would not be trying for the 2008 USA
bobsled team but instead would be running a small country. All hail
king Stephen! I would have golden water dishes and minions running
around doing my bidding. I bet those bidding minions would come in
handy for e-bay auctions.


I bet your moms told you that you could be whatever you wanted to be
when you grew up. My story is a little different. I left my Mom when
I was 8 weeks old. I was never able to meet my dad. Sure my A and R
have taken good care of me and I love them but sometimes they don't
understand me. Sometimes I would like to be able to talk to my Mom.
Dick you can not understand how hard it is to be a dog. Sure we sleep

16 hrs a day and I get fed twice a day but I want more. I don't want
to settle for just being a kept dog. I am not on this planet to
simply provide unconditional love to a chosen few, no I have to have a
much bigger purpose. There has to be more to it than that!

I have dreams and goals, unfortunately your human society is keeping
me down. I was denied employment at McDonalds, I can not go to
church, they won't let me drive. The list goes on and on but I think
you get my point.


Dick & Tommy, I am going to give you some advice here. Spend some time and
think about how fortunate you are. There is a world of opportunity
out there and I am afraid this bitterness is going to cause you to
miss it all.

Open you ears, can you hear the Whos down in Whoville? Fah who foraze!
Dah who doraze! Dick can you hear them? How about you Tommie?

Channel your efforts in a positive direction and if you can't do that
I would suggest you follow your own advice and "Moveoffline".


I can not risk having my reputation ruined by the likes
of you.

1 Comments:

At November 19, 2007 at 3:55:00 PM EST , Anonymous Tommy Tantrum said...

Dear Mr. The Dog,

I am amazed that Drew over at the Benspark would stoop to sending his lapdogs out after Dick and myself. We now add your blog to our reading list.

The whole point of using technology to hate on technology (and especially to blog about hating bloggers) is meant to be rather ham-fisted irony. It cannot possibly be made any clearer, than perhaps by noting that it's ironic in the blog posts themselves or perhaps in comment boxes on blogs purported to be written by dogs. Whoops, too late!

I hope you realize that I realize that you are not actually a dog, but a human being in the guise of a dog. There, I said it, I've destroyed the illusion. What are you going to do about it now?

 

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