Letter to Stop and Shop regarding milk prices

Dear Stop and Shop,


It has recently been brought to my attention that you are selling 1 gallon bottles of milk for $4.79. Specifically I am referring to hood 2% milk in the light block bottle. Man that light block bottle is an innovation. What other products can I get in light block packaging? How come orange Juice is not in a light block bottle?

I know the light block bottle is a relatively new concept. Does it have anything to do with the hole in the Ozone layer? Is the light block bottle a harbinger of doom? Are we all going to get skin cancer and die because you people have allowed a giant hole to be eaten in the Ozone layer? Why are you protecting the milk from the scourge of ultraviolet radiation while we all continue to blissfully go to the beach unaware that we are doomed?

If hood has recognized this problem why aren’t we all wearing light block suits? Do you know if hood makes a light block suit for dogs? I am 75lbs golden retriever/poodle cross so I would probably need a large dog size. I have black fur which protects me some from the sun but I spend way more time outside than milk. Think about it milk is really just outside when the groceries are being brought in. That is like 5 min of sun exposure at the max and yet a light block bottle is need. I on the other hand spend hours at a time outside I am very scared I definitely need to get a light block suit. Please tell me where to get one.

Is all hood milk the same? The reason I ask is that I can get the same 1 gallon jug of hood 2% in the light block bottle at my local Hess Gas station for only $2.79. Why is that? I would expect it to be more expensive at the gas station I mean just look what they charge for soda and candy bars. Or look at how mobile is trying to get you to use speed pass to pay for stuff in their little mobile stores. Don’t kid yourself that is not about convenience it drawing attention away from what you are spending. What is the difference between 7 dollars and 11 dollars on a credit card or token? Umm nothing you scan it the same but if you have to pull the money out of your wallet you might actually notice what you are spending. Why do you think everyone loves those debit cards? Hmmm because it hides what you are really spending and make money seem like a surreal concept. Sorry all you psyche majors looking to get into marketing even a dog sees through this little ploy. However on the plus side I am sorry to say that the vast majority of America is just plain stupid. Come on people refinance their cars in this country and think it is a great thing.

How can you refinance something that depreciates to pretty much zero over 5 years? True you do get a lower monthly payment but at what cost? Maybe if you are lucky you will get a post card from your car in 15yrs when it is driving around Mexico delivering eggs and you are still paying for it.

So back to the Milk. Why is Stop and Shop 171% more expensive that the gas station? Is milk a loss leader for gas stations? I would be willing to sell you as much milk as you want for only $3/gallon just meet me at the local Hess and bring a truck. Please tell me why your milk is so much better. My Friend Drew really wants to understand this absurd price differential. I love Stop and Shop you guys have great bones. Until we figure this milk thing out I am going to have to ask my A to stop shopping there.

Thanks for you time. Would it be possible to get an autographed photo.


Stephen