Letter to Henry Doorly Zoo

Stephen The Dog

7 Woofington Ln

Barktington DE 03257

Zookeeper

Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo®

3701 S 10th Street

Omaha, NE 68107

Dear Zookeeper,

My name is Stephen I am a 4 year old golden retriever poodle cross. I live with my A and R in Barkington DE those are the people who feed and take care of me. I could probably live on my own but I am lazy and if someone is willing to take care of you then you might as well go with it right? You can’t beat having your own couch and 2 bowls of kibble a day.

I am sure you are wondering why you are getting a letter from a dog. I am writing for some advice. As you are well aware the Henry Doorly Zoo is one of the top zoos in the country (you must be very proud) so I figured if anyone can help me you it would be the fine folks at the Henry Doorly zoo.

Recently my A and R went away for 4 days, unfortunately they left in a hurry and did not tell me where they were going so I was very worried. My neighbors did come over and take care of so I was pretty sure that someone had talked to my A, fortunately they finally came home on Saturday because I was getting really close to calling the milk people to see about getting my A on the back of a carton.

This is the part where I need your help. It seems that my A and R went off on some kind of safari and came back with an exotic creature. I am pretty sure it is a swaddlepotimous. Basically it eats and sleeps and poops and screams. I have not really gotten a good look at it but is seems to sleep in 3 hour shifts and then scream for a while. I am pretty sure it is bald and it smells kinda funny. It is also pretty small and seems to like to be carried around. My A is currently keeping it in this big white cage in my new room. I can’t wait to get my room back.

I am wondering what the proper care and feeding is for a swaddlepotimous. I want to make sure the swaddlepotious is happy and well cared for. I would really like find a way to help the swaddlepotimous cut down on the amount of screaming. The screaming is just driving me nuts. I will be asleep on the couch and all of a sudden in the middle of the night my A shows up with a screaming swaddlepotimous and sits down next to me. It is nice to see my A but the screaming is a little bit unnerving.

I am also wondering if your zoo would be interested in a swaddlepotimous. I don’t believe my A is licensed to have a swaddlepotimous and I think the Henry Doorly Zoo would be a great place for this creature. I believe you could provide an environment where the swaddlepotimous would be able to thrive. I am not looking for any compensation the swaddlepotimous would be a gift I only ask that you give it a good home. I think this would be a great addition to your collection.

Thanks you for you time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Stephen

P.S. would it be possible to get an autographed photo, maybe of one of the penguins or a lion? I am enclosing a dollar to cover return postage. If you can not provide an autographed photo please apply my dollar toward the purchase of a cup of sardines for the penguins.

Swaddlepotimous

My A has returned. He came home on Saturday after a 4-day absence. Originally I though he might have been out of town at an Ultimate Pillow fighting league (UPLF) event but this does not seem to be the case as I was able to account for all of our pillows while he was gone.

When I asked my A where he was he just kind of mumbled incoherently. It has taken me a while but I have been able to piece it together. Apparently my A went out on Safari. I know this because when he came home is clothes were all messy and smelled funny. He also managed to catch something while he was on Safari.

My A has caught a swaddlepotimous. From what I can tell this is a rare creature that screams at all hours of that day smells funny and is living in the cage in my new room. I don’t really know why we need a swaddlepotimous but at least they don’t seem to be dangerous. I just wish the thing would be quiet.

I am sure my A is just holding the swaddlepotimous for a zoo or something; I can’t wait till it is out of my room. I am all for sharing and helping out the family but I would like to get on with having my own room. Sharing with the swaddlepotimous is a little rough since it does not really sleep and kind of smells.

I wonder which zoo the swaddlepotimous will end up at. Once I find out I will let you all know so that you can go and visit it. I think I may need to contact a few zoos and make sure this process is moving forward. If I don’t see any progress by next week I will start writing zoos.

That stupid swaddlepotimous is screaming again so I am going to go hang out outside for a while. Before I head out I would like to thank C and L for taking such great care of me while my A was out on Safari. Thanks guys.

Have you seen my A?

I am starting to get a little worried. My A and R left on Wed around 8am and have not been back since. I don't know where they are. Fortunately for me L and C from across the street have been feeding me and letting me out. They are doing a super duper job but I really do wonder where my A and R have gone.

I did see my R's parents on Wed night they came by and slept over but my A and R where no where to be found. I called the Milk Company but they said I should wait a little longer before putting my A on a milk bottle. They seems to think he will turn up.

I am not really sure I want to trust a dairy farmer though. These are they same guys who jack cows up on hormones to make more milk that does not seem right. Although Chocolate milk does rock. Hang on one sec let me go check the door to see if they are home. Nope!

Orange growers not those guys you can trust but they don't put pictures on orange juice cartons. Do not enough people drink OJ or did the milk guys patent the picture on the back of the carton thing?

Hang on one sec let me go check the door to see if they are home. Nope!

It is getting late and it is dark out. I guess I should just go to bed. Tomorrow if they are not home I am going to start making some calls. The weird thing is I though my A was pretty well liked in my neighborhood but no one seems to be the least bit concerned he is missing. I guess everyone was just pretending to like him. I can understand that or perhaps they just like me that seems much more likely since my A never goes anywhere in the neighborhood without me.

Sorry there is no picture on this post. My A took the camera with him when he disappeared.

Finally getting my own room

As all of you know I have been working hard since the beginning of the year day trading. Recently I put my trading on hold and have been concentrating on being nice to my A and R. Really I made enough money to keep a dog happy for a very long time so I have been focusing on my family.

I think my A has recognized my efforts because it looks like I am getting my own room. As you recall a while back I thought I was getting a dog house but it turned out my A was building a house for the lawnmover. Man I hate that guy every time he comes out of his house I make sure to bark at him for taking my house. Why does some loud smelly guy who only comes out once a week get his own house while me the cute loveable dog has to share a room? Anyway I am now getting my own room in the house which is way better than an unheated outside house so there you stupid lawnmower, hope you enjoy the winter.

A few weeks ago my A took the bed out of our guest room and moved it to the office. At first I wondered why he was doing this but it all started to come together when I saw the new carpet. He got a really soft purple carpet (I am told it is purple but it looks gray to me) which is great for lying on and matches my dog bed perfectly. My A has really done a great job with the room, I have an awesome framed photo of the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse on the wall to remind me off the good times I have had there and let me look forward to more fun on the beach in Hatteras. I have my own rocking chair and he even got me a huge white dresser to put all my toys in. There are so many draws that I should be able to get all my toys organized.

I am thinking of using a draw for balls, one for squeaky toys, one for bones and a whole draw for my sock collection. Yup I collect socks but that is a story for another time. Even with all these categories I will still have some extra room in my dresser. Which is great, I am looking forward to finding things to fill the drawers. It is so much better to have to grow into your space then to have to downsize to fit into it.

Really the only thing left to do it to get my dog bed moved into the room. I am so excited. I have really wanted my own room for a while and now it is becoming a reality. Usually I sleep on the couch in the living room or on the floor in my A’s room but it will be nice to have my own space. My A has really though of everything even remembering to include a nightlight in my new space since I am afraid of the dark (Don’t tell anyone).

This is going to be so awesome, The only thing I don’t understand is why there is this weird white cage thing in my new room. I guess my A is just storing it or something, it does not really take up all the much room so I guess I can let him store it in my room for now.

I hope my A lets me move in this weekend. I can’t wait to go shopping for some awesome posters to hang on my walls.