Halloween and No A

Woo Hoo It is Halloween. I am so excited I love Halloween and love meeting people when the come to the door. Halloween is an awesome Dog Holiday (people drop lots of candy)

Unfortunately my A is stuck at work in a training class. He says he is learning stuff but the guys who is teaching it is really not that good. In all fairness he is pretty good at the lecture part but he is awful at the lab portion. When you teach in a lab environment you need to understand the topology and how to fix things. You should also show students what you are doing when you are trying to fix stuff. I know my A is very frustrated. I hope he can come home soon.

We are going reverse tricker or treating on Friday so that should make up some for missing some of Halloween. It still stinks but there is not much he can do about it. I do miss him though.

My A works really hard to make da money. Even with my pay per post job I can’t quite afford the mortgage yet. I am hoping there are some more opportunities to write about great goth dating sites out soon. That is the future of the internet. It is all going to be about Goth dating.

ProVitamins?

Yesterday I got to spend a lot of time on the porch. My A said I needed some “alone time”. For some reason I seem to end up needing “Alone time” when my A and R have people over for dinner. I have yet to figure out why it happens or how my A knows when I need it. I will be sitting next to the table with my head under the arm of the guest who is eating. You know making sure they are enjoying the meal and the next thing I know my A is telling me I need to go have some alone time.

I don’t get it but there is not arguing with my A. Once he gets an idea in his head you have to placate him and go with it. He still has this silly idea that I am going to play fetch with him. Sorry but that is not going to happen.

So today during my alone time I was thinking about shampoo. No I am not crazy there was a bottle of shampoo in the recycling bin, apparently Dog “Alone time” should be spent next to the recycling. It is plastic this week. I used to think I was supposed to take out the recycling but lately my A has been keeping the door to outside shut so I can’t do that.

Anyway I was reading the shampoo bottle and noticed that my shampoo has ProVitamins. I use the lavender Johnson’s baby shampoo. “No more tears and tangle free” When you have as much hair as I do you want a good shampoo the will remove tangles. You also want to be very careful about using a shampoo that does not irritate you eyes. My A and I really do not see eye to eye on the best way for me to take a bath.

My A seems to think I should quietly sit in the tub while he washes my hair. I personally think I should be more involved in the process you know spin around, try to eat the soap, splash bark at the bubbles etc. When take a bath I usually try to make sure he gets washed as well. I don’t want my A to smell that would be a poor reflection upon me.

Anyway back to the shampoo. Did you know shampoo has ProVitamins. What the heck are ProVitamins. How do you love you amateur status as a vitamin? Have they accepted endorsements? I know B-12 has done a pretty good job marketing itself but I really don’t get it. How did these vitamins become ProVitamins?

Since I get paid from some of my posts am I a ProDog? You know the silly posts in pink about Goth dating or how I am going to put diamond plate cabinets in my kitchen, I get paid for those. Think about it I am a dog do I really care what the kitchen looks like? Umm no not really I only check to make sure my treat jar is full and see if there is food in my dish. Outside of that as long as the floor is cool in the summer and warm in the winter I would probably be just as happy living in a barn. So in some ways I guess I have sold out so does that make me a Pro?

I am not sure I want to be a pro. That would sort of end my Olympic dreams. {Now in the starting house for team USA Stephen the dog. It has been years since the US has been a factor in bobsledding but since Stephen the Dog has come on the scene there has been a major resurgence in the sport. It would not be much of a stretch to say that Stephen the Dog is the savior of US Bob sledding}

I am going to have to write the Olympic Committee and ask then about my status.

Ghosted!

The other night I was sitting outside like usual just minding my own business. All of a sudden a heard a noise and some people came walking into my yard. They were being all sneaky and weird. This kind of disturbed me but then they threw me a treat so I figured what do I care, I got food. I am easily bought. Don’t get me wrong, I was still ready to rip their throat out if I had to but they seemed harmless.

The people proceeded to place a package on my front steps and ring the doorbell. I figured they were going to visit with my A and R, but as soon as they rang the doorbell, they left the package on the steps and ran away.

I was a little worried there was a bomb in the package. I did not think it was a bomb but I am not trained to sniff out bombs so I could not be 100% sure. As the people were running away I was able to see their faces, I realized they were no threat and it was not a bomb. My A came to the door, looked around, and found the package.

It turns out this was some kind of neighborhood game. We had just been ghosted. The package was full of treats; most of them were for me. Man I love treats! I would like to say thanks to those people who ghosted me. Yes, I know, who you are remember I was outside. I would recommend maybe some duct tape over the LEDs on your sneakers next time.

My A has been trying to get me to tell him who Ghosted us, but I won’t do it. That is not fair. My A and I went out the next day and we ghosted two other people like we were supposed to.

I love this game you get to dress up all in black. Well, I am already black so that is convenient. My A just throws on this black sweat pants and his black Unabomber sweatshirt. Then once you get all dressed up you get to sneak around in other peoples’ yards. It is kind of weird to sneak around and go up to peoples’ houses and ring the doorbell and run away. I was so worried we were going to get caught but my A was able to hold the team together. I love holidays where you get to sneak around in the dark. Being black I am pretty much invisible in the dark. I love being invisible.

Well, Halloween is coming; I hope my A lets me go trick or treating. I am going to get so many treats. I hope all my neighbors are loading up on treats and in case you are wondering am partial to milk bones.

Chicago Tours

As you already know I don’t get to travel much. It has a lot to do with the airlines requiring me to travel in a cage in the baggage compartment. How humiliating is that? Even worse they make me bring my own cage. Come on you give seats to people so why not dogs?

Anyway I have always wanted to visit Chicago, the windy city, home of the Cubs, and Wrigley field. I would love to leave my mark on the Wrigley field Ivy. Yeah sometimes we dogs have silly dreams. Every time I see a cubs game I had the hugest desire to pee on the right field wall.

I am going to want to make the most of my trip to Chicago so I am thinking if I ever get out there I will need to take one of the Chicago Tours

I am really interested in the nighttime Segway tour. I am black so at night you can hardly see me. It would be so cool to ride a Segway at night. Probably no one would even notice I am a dog because they could not see me. I wonder if what would be more disturbing a driverless Segway or a Dog riding a Segway. Chicago is a pretty open minded city so I am sure it would be fine.

These tours sound really cool, they help you see all the best attractions as well as informing you about the history. Some place have neat plaques you can read but I would rather someone tell me the story. My A said the water tower is pretty cool but there are a lot of plaques to read there.

I wonder if you can drive a Segway with out opposable thumbs. Hopefully you can because I really want to take this tour. It sounds awesome. I would also be really cool to take a lake cruise and see Chicago from the water.

I hope I can get to Chicago soon. The only thing I really know about the city is what I learned from the musical and I don’t that that is too realistic. I am sure the tour will give me a better feel for the city.

I got in trouble

Wow it has been a long week.

I managed to get myself in some pretty big trouble last Thursday. My A and R went over to Sparky’s house to help Sparky’s K with a letter to the board of selectmen about Mr. Mailbox. It was dark out and at about 7pm I need to go out so my A let me outside. Well as you know Sparky lives next to Joey so after I used the trees I went over to play with Joey.

After playing with Joey for a while Joey’s S invited me in and I went inside and hung out with Joey. Unfortunately I did not tell my A where I was going and when he came out to find me around 9pm I was not there. Apparently this worried my A because he started to drive around the neighborhood looking for me. Eventually, Joey’s S flagged my R down and let her know that I was in their house. Joey’s S had even tried to call my A a couple of times but he left his phone at home. What a dope.

I got a really long lecture on the importance of staying close or letting my A know where I am going. Apparently it is not safe for a black dog to run around by himself at night. It is also irresponsible to just go off to a friend’s house with out telling anyone. Those are the only parts of the lecture I can remember, my A can get a little long winded when he is lecturing me. I usually just sit there and count how many times I can wag my tail in a min then try and beat that record.

I guess next time I will know better. I feel bad but I still had a really good time at Joey’s

I don’t like when I get in trouble. Being in trouble stinks.

I need a sink

As you all know I am a dog and one of the things dogs do is make a mess. Yes I freely admit that I am not the cleanest being on the planet. However at least I am not living in my grandmother’s basement eating Doritos and surfing the internet for free porn. That is right jimmy321 I know what you are all about.

As a dog it is tough to wash up. I am not allowed to wash my face in the toilet. I get yelled at every time I try to do that. I can not use the kitchen sink since I have a hard time turning on the water with no thumbs. My A does give me baths when I get really dirty.

I would like to be cleaner and less reliant on my A. I think the best way to do this is for me to get my own sink. I am going to put it outside so that I can wash my paws after I use the tree. I ran into this great site for sinks today. They have all kinds of sinks. I am thinking of getting a laundry room sink and putting it close to the ground. I am also going to get those really long handles for the faucet so I can turn it on and off with my face.

There are so many styles and options to choose from I am sure they will have something to fit my needs and if I get stuck I can call them and ask. They have an 800 number. I bet they have never run across a dog looking for a sink but I am sure they can help.

The sink should solve my paw washing issue now if I can just get those darn squirrels to give me a little privacy.

Shaw's Seafood Saga

So Shaw’s wrote me back about the putrid fish then immediately recalled the message and I have not heard from them in a couple of weeks. Looks like my A will not be shopping there anytime soon.

Below is my email response to Mr. Mootos. I was probably a little mean but my head hurts and I am tired. However really if you can’t please a dog you have problems all we really want is a little love and to be feed a couple times a day.




Dear Mr Mootos,

I would like to thank you for your response however since you have recalled it I can not. I would have assumed after you recalled your message I would be getting a new response from you. To date I have not and this does not make me happy.

To me the issue is simple Shaw's sold me a piece of rotten fish. This should never happen, yes you have refunded my money but my confidence in your store has been shaken. I am assuming based on your current lack of response you don't want me as a customer. Why is that?

Really what I am looking for is a simple applogy and an assurance that steps have been taken to prevent this from happening again. I am the consumer here my job is to your buy products. Your job in case you have forgotten is to provide me with the opportunity to purchase quality products. When you sell me bad fish you are failing in your responsibility.

Yes I do understand that from time to time bad product might slip through. However we are talking about fish here, someone has to pick up the fish and weight it before I can buy it. That person should have noticed the issue and not sold me the fish. Do you train your seafood counter people or can just anyone work behind the seafood counter.

Mr. Mootos I am really not looking for much. We at Shaw’s are sorry and this will not happen again would be sufficient. Even if it is just lip service I can live with that. I am giving you an opportunity to retain a customer here it is you choice whether or not to take it.

I look forward to your response

Stephen

I am back

Well I am back from vacation and will be working on updating soon. Right now my head hurts and I need to take a nap.