Mia Bella Roba

Mia Bella Roba

Mia Bella Roba

Mia Bella Roba

Mia Bella Roba

No that it is stuck in your head

The other day I got an email from my Pal Chris. He was talking all about Valentines Day and how I needed to start shopping and what not. Well I don’t believe in Valentines Day. It is a silly holiday. Really it’s roots are the Catholic Church’s response to Lupercalia.
Why do they insist in creating Holidays to coincide with Pagan holidays? I really don’t care either way. It seems to me that well before the cold war and the arms race between the US and Soviet Union there was a holiday race in organized religion. Obviously religion is a very touch subject and I don’t mean to offend anyone. Personally of all the holidays in America Valentines day is the stupidest.

I can find a grown man dressed up like a rabbit that lays chocolate eggs funny but come on a fat guy in red tights who shoots arrows are our hearts that is stupid. Someone could lose and eye. All the good holidays have entities that bring you stuff. Santa, the Easter Bunny, even on the forth of July we get to watch fireworks. What do we get for Valentines day oh yeah we are expect to buy cards and gifts. What is the deal with that? If I liked feeling obligated to give away things I would love paying my taxes. However I don’t and yes the government can even tax a dog. I would write the IRS a letter but those guys would just audit me. I have been writing off a lot of stuff against my nut silo consulting consortium (NSCC) and I really don’t want those guys digging around in there.

Anyway Chris makes and sells jewelry. You can check out his site http://www.miabellaroba.com/. He has some pretty nice stuff out there. No really he does you can trust me. This is not one of those lame pay per post adds where I talk about how great Goth dating is or about which subprime mortgage will allow you to achieve financial ruin in 3 years. Nope I really looked at this stuff and it is good. I might even get my R something. Of course I will wait till after Valentines Day. Do you realize Saint Valentine is not even really a saint they think he is an amalgam of 3 or 4 different saints. I guess those guys over at Hallmark will do whatever it takes to sell cards. So check out Chris’s site If you end up placing an order tell him I sent you and you will get 10% off.

I probably should have check with Chris about that 10% off thing. Oh well what’s he gonna do? I am not scared of a guy who makes jewelry granted nice Jewelry but still. Bring it on Chris!!!

Letter to Kelloggs

I recently got in trouble for stealing some Austin Crackers. These crackers are great and make by Kelloggs. Below is my letter to Kelloggs.

Dear Kelloggs,

My name is Stephen and I am a dog. Being a dog I don’t often get the opportunity to sample “people food”. Mostly I eat kibble and dog biscuits. Now I am not complaining but just imagine for a second eating the same thing every single day. I am sure you would grow weary of whatever that one thing was.

Yesterday my A, that is what I call the guy that gives me my kibble and lets me out in the morning, bought some Austin cheddar on wheat sandwich crackers. I think he was planning on taking them to work for a snack. I wish he could stay home and play with me but I am told I am quite expensive to support and he has to go to work to make money. Anyway my A is really scatter brained in the morning so he forgot the crackers on the table.

So yesterday I am sitting home all alone just hanging out trying to be good. I realize there are crackers on the table but I am not supposed to touch stuff on the table. I am sure Tony the Tiger gets crap for taking stuff off the table. I was really bored and kind of hungry so I figured I would try just one cracker. I hoped up on the table grabbed the box and ran into the living room.

Once in the living room I careful removed one of cracker and gave it a try. Holy cow it was good about 5 mins later I was covered in orange crumbs and there were wrappers all over the place. I still don’t completely know what happened but I think I achieved Nirvana for a few mins. Those have got to be the best crackers on the planet.

Unfortunately my A came home about 45 min later and found the wrappers. Somehow he was able to piece together what had happened. Darn that CSI ever since he stared watching it I get away with nothing. My A is constantly running around the house with his ALS trying to figure out what I have done.

Anyway I got a 30min dissertation from my A on the rules for dogs. I don’t remember all of it but I think these are the high points.
I was very disrespectful and Austin crackers are very good. I should never take things off the table and Austin crackers are very good. I am going to lose privileges if I do it again and the crackers were very good. Truthfully I don’t remember much, my A can ramble when he is lecturing and I just closed my eyes and though back to how good those crackers were I don’t think he noticed me drooling

If I ever get the chance again I am still going to grab the crackers. Sure I know it is wrong but your crackers are worth it. I would not risk it for Ritz crackers but for Austin crackers I sure would. Do you have any other kinds besides cheddar on wheat sandwich crackers?

Would it be possible to get an Autographed Photo of Tony the Tiger? I am a huge fan.

Stephen

Stephen the Dog
An Austin Cracker Outlaw

Response to Weather guy Pete

Pete,

Thanks for the response, to answer your question I am thankfully not related to Snoop Dogg. The feeling among most dogs is that Snoop is not really someone we want carrying the title of Dog. That is why we make him spell it with two g’s. Personally my ancestry is mixed. I think I already mentioned that my mom is a Golden retriever and my Dad is a poodle. Probably the best way to think of me is as the Tiger Woods of the Dog world.

I really appreciate your insight into my experiments. Unfortunately I am not trying to grow mold. If I wanted to study mold I could just check out my A’s bathroom. It is pretty gross in there. Sometimes I wonder how he thinks he is getting clean in there. If your bathroom is filthy you can take a shower but you still have to walk through filth to get back out of the bathroom. It is like going to the groomer and coming home and rolling in the swamp.

Currently per your suggestion I am looking for a city sized area to attempt my experiments. I have recently written to Mayor Kilpatrick in Detroit to see if he would be interested in allowing me to use his city. I will let you know how that progresses. If I get approval from Detroit would you be interested in serving as a technical advisor for the experiment?

The suggestions on how to make snow were great. I was definitely going down the wrong path with the vaporizers. I think your compressed air system has far more merit and will produce a greater yield. Currently I have most of the part-list completed I just need to spend some quality time with my A’s American express card. Perhaps the next time my A and R have people over I will be able to place some orders. I don’t know about you but every time my people have company I end up having “Alone time”. I guess “Alone time” is productive but I tend to need it every time things get interesting at home.

I am looking forward to receiving the picture. Dogs really like to get mail. Sometimes we get too excited. (Just ask a Mailman)

I will keep you abreast of my progress.

Thanks

Stephen

Pete's email to me

You're no relation to Snoop Dogg are you??

Anyway "Stephen", a couple of rooms in a house is WAAAY too small. The
only thing you're making is a haven for mold. You need to get an area
the size of a city to accommodate a thunderstorm. While your experiment
made simple condensation, thunderstorms are composed of updrafts and
downdrafts that transport huge volumes of air that feed the cloud
moisture and create the static electricity for lightning.

On that same thread, vaporizors won't make anything but frozen
condensation, better known as frost. You need to get out an air
compressor, some handy pipe fittings and connect the garden hose to make
homegrown snow. The tools and procedure are all online. Just Google it.

Now that we have a "paws" in the busy weather pattern, I'll send your
picture out soon.

Thanks for the giggle.

Pete

Detroit can it make its own Weather?

Dear Mayor Kilpatrick,

I am sure you are unaware but recently I have been doing some research into weather specifically the phenomenon called thunder. You see I am a dog and many of us dogs are afraid of thunder. My goal is to create an artificial thunderstorm so that I can study it. Once I understand thunder maybe I can make the world a little safer. There are just not enough beds out there for all us dog to hide under.

Recently I completed some experiments using warm and cold air massed in my house when my owners were not at home. This did not work so I wrote to some weather guys. I figured these guys went to weather college so they must be smart and maybe they can help me.

What do you think a good grade in weather college is? Do Weather Professors give out exams and say guys need to try really harder on this exam I am looking for you to get 40% of the answers right. How do you grade people trying to go into a profession that is statistically wrong about 60% of the time? I don’t get it.

Anyway weather guys Pete and Tim were nice enough to write me back. I have included their responses below. I can not follow Tim’s suggestion and move to Texas however Pete suggested I need an area the size of a city so I though of Detroit.

I know things have been tough for Detroit lately. With US auto industry in a down turn, I was thinking perhaps Detroit could become known for something other than cars. What I propose is that I attempt to make my artificial thunderstorm in Detroit. Imagine the public relations boon. Come to Detroit we make our own weather!

I would be happy to pose for publicity shots with you. Nothing gets votes like posing with a dog. Just ask Richard Nixon.

What I need to do is create 2 very large air masses one cold and one warm and moist. Once these air masses are created I will need to make them collide and bam we should have ourselves a thunderstorm. I will be able to get my data and Detroit will be able to say it can create its own weather.

I see it as a win win.

Please let me know if you would like to proceed. Currently I have contacted no other cities. Detroit is my first choice. My second choice is St Louis but I would much prefer your fine city.

Thanks for you time Mayor Kilpatrick.

Would it be possible to get an autographed photo?



Stephen the Dog






Response from Weather Guy Pete


You're no relation to Snoop Dogg are you??

Anyway "Stephen", a couple of rooms in a house is WAAAY too small. The
only thing you're making is a haven for mold. You need to get an area
the size of a city to accommodate a thunderstorm. While your experiment
made simple condensation, thunderstorms are composed of updrafts and
downdrafts that transport huge volumes of air that feed the cloud
moisture and create the static electricity for lightning.

On that same thread, vaporizors won't make anything but frozen
condensation, better known as frost. You need to get out an air
compressor, some handy pipe fittings and connect the garden hose to make
homegrown snow. The tools and procedure are all online. Just Google it.

Now that we have a "paws" in the busy weather pattern, I'll send your
picture out soon.

Thanks for the giggle.

Pete



Response from Weather guy Tim

Good Start Stephen

You just need to add a 60 Knot wind Near the Ceiling and a 20 Knot wind, from a different direction, near the floor. We need to create rapid up draft, so the electrons fly off the condensing H2O, it gets rather complicated..

Better off moving to Texas.

Cheers, Tim

Why do Dogs sleep upside down?

I recently got the following letter


Stephen,

My name is Becky, I am 11, and I ready your website all the time. You are so cute. The reason I am writing you is that I have a question. Recently I have been finding my dog Abby sleeping on her back with her paws up in the air. This looks really weird. Why is she doing this? Is it normal?




Love

Becky



Dear Becky,

Thanks for reading my site. I am glad you like it. As for Abby don’t worry. Sleeping upside down is entirely normal. In fact you might want to try it some time. We dogs often do this for safety.

The earth is a dynamic system. As you may or may not know the earth’s magnetic field has already reversed a couple of times. Can Gravity be far behind? We dogs don’t think so. We sleep upside down on days we think there might be a sudden reversal of gravity. This way if gravity reverses when we are asleep we will just wake up standing on the ceiling instead of crashing into the ceiling head first.

Sleeping upside down is relatively new. Before when we used to live outside there was no need. If gravity reversed you just fell up into the sky, however now that we live inside we have to worry about crashing into the ceiling. You don’t want to go to sleep and wake up crashing into a ceiling head first. It is bad enough when my A wakes me up to go outside I can’t imagine how cranky I would be after having crashed into a ceiling at 3:30am.

There is a whole team of dogs who are responsible for sending out warnings when the risk of a sudden gravity reversal is high. They work at the Dog Gravity Research Center (DGRC) in Tacoma Washington. Those guys do some nice work up there. I have yet to be caught off guard by a sudden gravity reversal (SGR) in fact I don’t know of any dog who has since the program was implemented in the late 1940’s.

While we still know of no way to prevent SGRs we dogs have implemented these procedures to limit their impact when they occur.

Anyway that is the reason Abby sleeps upside down sometimes, you may also notice she does not sleep upside down when she is outside. We dogs are just way more in-tune with the world that people. It is not your fault dogs are just better than people. Imagine what we could do if we had opposable thumbs.



Thanks for the letter let me know if you have any more questions


Stephen

Letter to Local Weatherman

Dear Channel woof Weather guy,

First of all let me introduce myself. My name is Stephen and I am a 2 year old Golden Doodle. That is right I am a dog my Mom was a Golden Retriever and my dad was a black standard poodle. I never meet my dad and my Mom left when I was 7 weeks old. Don’t feel bad for me though my life has been pretty good. When I was 9 weeks old I was adopted by my A and my R, that is what I call the people who feed me, they are very nice and take good care of me.

At this point I am sure you are wondering why you are getting email from a dog. Well as you probably know dogs do not have opposable thumbs. This means we can not open doors on our own. This creates a situation where I am stuck inside watching TV while my A and R go to work to make the money. I have been watching you on TV and I am very impressed by all you know about weather. You have to be the best TV weather guy out there and I think maybe you can help me.

Recently I have been doing some research into thunder. Many dogs are afraid of thunder. I personally am not afraid but, I have a friend who is. I am trying to learn as much as I can about thunder to make it less scary for my friend. Hiding under the couch is really not working out for him so I have been conducting some experiments.

Last week when it was 8 degrees outside, I opened all the windows in the main part of the house and turned on the AC. I got it down to about 20 degrees in the house. After I did this I went into the master bedroom and shut the door. (I can open and close that door with my head, no opposable thumbs needed) I turned the heat in the Master bedroom up to 90 and started the shower in the master bath. After about an hour the Master Bedroom was 90 degrees and full or stream while the rest of the house was a cool 20 degrees.

Knowing that thunder is caused my warm and cold air masses colliding I assumed when I opened the bedroom door the two air masses would collide and create an indoor thunderstorm. Don’t worry I took safety precautions and cleaned out under the couch in advance. When I opened the door not much happened. The steam kind of swirled around and some of it condensed on the walls but no thunder. I did not even get any rain or snow.

Can you explain why this did not work? I know you have far more experience with weather than I do and I need some guidance. What am I missing here? I assumed I would have gotten at least some sort of indoor weather event.

I would really like to learn more about weather. Based on my past experiences they will probably not let a dog into weather school so I am asking you for help. Do you happen to know if I can make snow with a Vaporizer? Which vaporizer makes the best snow? I bet you got to do some fun labs in weather school.

Would is be possible to get an autographed Photo?




Stephen the Dog

Thunder

I am home alone today. Actually I am home alone most days during the week. Truthfully I kind of enjoy it. I get the freedom to do whatever I want as long as I stay in the house.

Actually I am locked in and could not get out if I wanted to. I don’t really think that is fair. What if I need to run out and get some milk or something. Usually I end up taking a nice long nap and then working on my projects.

Today I am working on my weather research. It is a good day for it because it is supped cold outside and my A has meetings all day so he will not come home and disturb me.

I am trying to create an indoor thunderstorm. As you know thunder is caused when a wall of warm moist air collided with a Cold front. Right now I have the doot to my A’s room shut with the heat turned up to 90 and the Shower in the master bath running with just hot water. It is getting pretty steamy.

In the rest of the house I have all the doors and windows open and the heat turned off. It is pretty cold in here about 22 degrees. I figure if I open the door the hot and cold air will collide in the hallway and create a nice little indoor thunderstorm. I can’t wait to see it work this is going to be awesome.

Don’t worry I already cleared out under the couch so I will have a safe place to hide when the thunder comes.