Rebate oh I will get my rebate or 33.3 hrs worth of free hold Music

Dear SanDisk,

Hi my name is Stephen I am an almost 3yr old GoldenDoodle. That is a cross between a poodle and a golden retriever. I am super smart and I don’t shed what more could you ask for? Maybe a less lame sounding name I am thinking Velocadog would be kind of cool.

At this point I am sure you are thinking why are we getting mail from a dog? We make memory devices what is it a dog a dog want with us? It is not like we make tennis balls or sausages. Well here is the thing. My A and R, those are the people that feed, me they are very nice, recently got a new camera. They take a ton of pictures of me I am pretty photogenic. Check out the enclosed photo if you don’t believe me I even signed it.

Well my A bought one of your Extreme III 8GB memory cards you know the ones with the mail in rebate. On the surface this is an awesome deal. So my A cuts out the original UPC code, fills out the form and sends it in. Sweet we are all set rebate coming in 4-6 weeks. Well unfortunately we got a card in the mail yesterday saying our rebate submission was missing the original UPC code.

Now I know the whole idea behind rebates is that you expect 80% or more of people to be too lazy to fill out the forms and send them in. That is fine I have no problem with you taking advantage of the lazy or stupid outer there. Believe me there are lot of those people. At least you are not trying to patent the stupidity of the American public like Bank of America. Business is Business and I can understand that. My problem is that we sent in the UPC code, I know because we still have the box with a hole cut in it where the UPC code was. Since we had to mail the original and you say you never got it we are kind of at a stand still. I have tried to call the number listed 1-888-701-7637 to discuss this with someone but no one answers. So what am I to do?

I would like the rebate check but I can not produce an original UPC code because it was in the envelope I sent to you. Maybe when you opened the envelope you lost the UPC code. I don’t know and I don’t want to blame anyone we dogs are not about blame but I know I sent it. I doubt this was intentional on your part because that would really evil like Walmart evil. Do you know part of Walmart’s business plan it to pay their employees so little that they are forced to shop at Walmart. Thus Walmart is effectively paying its employees in goods. I am sure SanDisk is not evil in fact you guys make a really great product which I highly recommend.

At this point I have feel that I am owed the rebate which I believe is $40. I am sending you this letter and will continue to try and contact your people to get this resolved. I pledge to keep calling until I get this resolved. The way I figure it I am home all day and I have access to a phone so I have no reason not to call and be put on hold. You have an 800 number. How much does that 800 number cost you per min? Let’s be conservative and figure it at $.02/min that means if I am only hold for 33.3 hours it costs you $40.
I figure since my A and R go to work for 8 hours a day I can be on hold for 8 hours a day which would cost you $9.60 per day at my conservative $.02 per min. I pledge to continue to call and sit on hold until someone talks to me or I get the rebate. Remember I am a dog and I have free time. I also have excellent hearing so I can put you on hold and as long as I am in my yard I can still hear the hold music. “da da dum deed de dad a de ad” The music is pretty soothing a little repetitive but I could definitely take naps to it.


“da da dum deed de dad a de ad”
Please send me my rebate check as soon as possible. I really don’t want to have to call every day but there is a principle involved here. I will not be silenced. “da da dum deed de dad a de ad”

Seems to me like there is an easy fix to this situation, SEND THE DOG A CHECK !!!. It is that simple. I will not even bother to mention how insane it is to have an 800 number that no one answers. “da da dum deed de dad a de ad” “da da dum deed de dad a de ad”

If you could include and autographed picture along with my rebate check that would be great. If not no big deal I will be happy to stop calling once the rebate check comes in.
Hope to hear from you soon I am off to make a call.


Stephen “I am no Quitter” The Dog

1-800-flowers or 1-800-alonetime

Dear Mr. McCann,

I recently received you mailing congratulation me on my 1st order from 1800flowers. I really appreciate your following up on the order and the 15% coupon for savings on my next order. Unfortunately I am not sure there will be a next order.

Let me explain. You see I am a dog, up a real honest to goodness dog, Canis familiaris, man’s best friend. My Mom was a golden retriever and my dad was a black standard poodle. I never meet my Dad and shortly after I was born my Mom left fortunately when I was 9 weeks old I was adopted by my A and R. Those are the people who feed me and take me to my Doggie daycare. I really like them mostly because they feed me.

Sorry I am getting off track here. We dogs aren’t really known for out attention spans so you will need to indulge me a little bit. Anyway as a dog I don’t have a job and spend a lot of time at home. I am not a slacker, I have been looking for a job and I also have been making money on the internet. I have the #1 rated Dog blog. I am pretty proud of myself.

Last week I was home alone and got a little bored. I am sure you have been bored, well for a dog it is worse than you can imagine, I don’t have opposable thumbs so I can’t go outside. Well the boredom got to me and I started looking for things to do. I grabbed a drink of water, stared out the window for a while and even barked at a squirrel but none of this helped. None of this worked so, I went into the other room and found ball of yarn. Yarn is so much fun you can chew it and tie it in knots. Well I started playing with the yarn and kind of got carried away. Yes it happens sometimes we dogs lack impulse control. I ended up chewing up the sweater my R was working on. Once I came to my senses I realized I was in big trouble.

In an effort to get into my R’s good graces and prevent some serious alone time I decided to send her some flowers at work. Flowers at work are worth big points with the ladies. I am sure as the CEO of a flower delivery company you are well aware of this fact. I picked out a nice tulip arrangement placed my order and breathed a deep sigh of relief knowing that 1-800-flowers was going to make it all better. After placing my order and getting my confirmation I was even able to squeeze in a nap. I was so glad you guys where there and able to make things better.

Unfortunately my faith in 1-800-flowers was misplaced. It turns out that the local florist you contracted to do the delivery decided to call my R at work. (you have give the number of the recipient) This in and of itself is not such a horrible thing, maybe he was lost and needed directions, it ruins the surprise but things happen. Unfortunately this was not the case, nope he was calling to say “Hi Stephen ordered you some flowers and I know how to get to your office but we may not be able to get there today.” Basically even though Stephen ordered flowers with a delivery for today we are not going to be able to deliver them today. I am sorry but not only does that ruin the surprise but well it just sucks. That is like telling a 3 year “I bought you an ice cream but you are not going to get it today” Sorry but it does not work for 3 year olds and it does not work for women. I am sure you understand this. Basically your local delivery guy totally messed this up. I would really have not placed the order than have had this guy call to say he was not going to be delivering flowers.

My R called my A to tell him know about the local delivery guy’s call and my A then called your offices. Basically 1-800-flowers gave us a lot of lip service and said you guys don’t control the local delivery guys. I am sorry but this is unacceptable. I paid for a service I should not have to hound people to get the service I paid for, no one should be calling my R to tell her she is not getting flowers today. Really just call me you have my info and tell me I am sorry that you can’t do the delivery today. I would be ok with that. They local guy calling my R cost me huge points. The fact the 1-800-flowers says they are not responsible for the local delivery guy, a direct quote from Beth I might add, is complete crap. You are responsible for the vendors you hire to fulfill your service. I did not hire the local guy I hired 1-800-flower and you decided to subcontract. You are responsible and I expect you and all your contracts to act in a thoughtful professional manner. I feel that my order was not handled in a thoughtful or professional manner. For this reason I probably will not use 1-800-flowers again.

When you send flowers to women at work you expect big points. When I sent flowers with 1-800-flowers your deliver lost me points and only accentuated the fact that I had done something bad and was trying to manipulate my way out of it. Sure I chewed the sweater but I was sorry and tried to make it better and you people messed up my attempt at redemption. If the flower deliver people can’t figure out how to handle redemption I weep for the prison systems.

As a CEO I am sure you are very busy. I would be willing to use 1-800-flower in the future however before I can consider doing that I will need an apology and an autographed picture.

I am willing to meet you half way and try to repair our relationship. I know it is naive but my Mom was a Golden retriever so I am full of love and forgiveness.

I look forward to hearing from you. I will assume no response means you do not want to do business with a dog.

I would recommend a prompt response since I currently have a lot of along time to research florists.





Stephen

Letter to Stop and Shop regarding milk prices

Dear Stop and Shop,


It has recently been brought to my attention that you are selling 1 gallon bottles of milk for $4.79. Specifically I am referring to hood 2% milk in the light block bottle. Man that light block bottle is an innovation. What other products can I get in light block packaging? How come orange Juice is not in a light block bottle?

I know the light block bottle is a relatively new concept. Does it have anything to do with the hole in the Ozone layer? Is the light block bottle a harbinger of doom? Are we all going to get skin cancer and die because you people have allowed a giant hole to be eaten in the Ozone layer? Why are you protecting the milk from the scourge of ultraviolet radiation while we all continue to blissfully go to the beach unaware that we are doomed?

If hood has recognized this problem why aren’t we all wearing light block suits? Do you know if hood makes a light block suit for dogs? I am 75lbs golden retriever/poodle cross so I would probably need a large dog size. I have black fur which protects me some from the sun but I spend way more time outside than milk. Think about it milk is really just outside when the groceries are being brought in. That is like 5 min of sun exposure at the max and yet a light block bottle is need. I on the other hand spend hours at a time outside I am very scared I definitely need to get a light block suit. Please tell me where to get one.

Is all hood milk the same? The reason I ask is that I can get the same 1 gallon jug of hood 2% in the light block bottle at my local Hess Gas station for only $2.79. Why is that? I would expect it to be more expensive at the gas station I mean just look what they charge for soda and candy bars. Or look at how mobile is trying to get you to use speed pass to pay for stuff in their little mobile stores. Don’t kid yourself that is not about convenience it drawing attention away from what you are spending. What is the difference between 7 dollars and 11 dollars on a credit card or token? Umm nothing you scan it the same but if you have to pull the money out of your wallet you might actually notice what you are spending. Why do you think everyone loves those debit cards? Hmmm because it hides what you are really spending and make money seem like a surreal concept. Sorry all you psyche majors looking to get into marketing even a dog sees through this little ploy. However on the plus side I am sorry to say that the vast majority of America is just plain stupid. Come on people refinance their cars in this country and think it is a great thing.

How can you refinance something that depreciates to pretty much zero over 5 years? True you do get a lower monthly payment but at what cost? Maybe if you are lucky you will get a post card from your car in 15yrs when it is driving around Mexico delivering eggs and you are still paying for it.

So back to the Milk. Why is Stop and Shop 171% more expensive that the gas station? Is milk a loss leader for gas stations? I would be willing to sell you as much milk as you want for only $3/gallon just meet me at the local Hess and bring a truck. Please tell me why your milk is so much better. My Friend Drew really wants to understand this absurd price differential. I love Stop and Shop you guys have great bones. Until we figure this milk thing out I am going to have to ask my A to stop shopping there.

Thanks for you time. Would it be possible to get an autographed photo.


Stephen