Ted Murphy Responds

Stephen,

Ted is out for a walk right now, I am on his computer checking out doggy condos. The real estate market is pretty good for buyers right now, I see you have a nice pad of your own. I'm happy to hear that things are going well with PayPerPost, I know Ted loves to hear stories like this. From one dog to another I can tell you there just aren't enough jobs out there for prolific canines.

Thanks for the invite to SB^3... I just have no idea what that is. Can you tell me more? Either way I am sure Ted would love an autographed picture for the great wall of Posties. Have a great weekend and drink plenty of water!

Later Tater,

Bonzo

Dear Ted

Stephen TheDog
17 barking RD
Barkton Wf 13243
May 15,2008



Dear Mr. Murphy,


My name is Stephen and I am 3 year old Golden retriever poodle cross. What that means is my Mom was a Golden Retrieved and my Dad was a Poodle. Some people refer to my kind as a Goldendoodle but I personally don’t like that term it seems kind of wussy to me. People don’t have nightmares about being attacked by Goldendoodles.

At this point I am sure you are wondering why the heck am I getting a letter from a dog? Well I am writing to thank you. You see as a dog it is difficult to find work. In my three years I have accomplished many things; I have taken graduate class in obedience, done some agility work and even become a canine good citizen. However even with all these accomplishments I have still be unable to find meaningful work.

I am sure as a serial entrepreneur you understand that money is needed to finance your dreams. Currently I have several great ideas in the works. I have been doing some weather work with the City of Detroit and I have almost finalized my “Nut Silo” if I could just got those damn squirrels to pay attention to the presentation. Anyway as the number one dog ODD’er (Online Digital Diary I hate the term blog) on the planet I have been able to use payperpost to generate some funds. Unfortunately most of this money has gone to pay off the seatbelt incident but that is a story for another time.


I do really appreciate the opportunity to make some money. I am excited that your companies allow dogs the opportunity to be productive members of society. While most dogs are not into the Goth lifestyle we definitely know how to write reviews of Goth Dating sites. So many people look down on dogs and not just because we walk on all fours. Can you believe I have even been told I am not allowed in a national forest because I might upset the wildlife. What is the deal with that? I am sure the guy in the orange vest with the Winchester 30-06 is much more upsetting than a well behaved dog walking calmly on his leash.


I have recently heard you called the most evil guy in the room. Ted I must tell you I see no evil in you and we dogs are good judges of character. You are a capitalist there is nothing wrong with making money. Do I firmly believe in “Nut Silo” yes but only as a product I don’t think huge Silo’s of nuts will help the Squirrels in the long run, it will only create a generation or fat lazy squirrels with crappy long term memory. However I know I can make money with this idea so what does it not matter. I am not evil for taking an opportunity and trying to make money and neither are you.

Well I just wanted to take the opportunity to thank you. I am having my birthday path in a month or so. My A (that is the guy who buys my kibble) has not given me the date yet so I am not exactly sure when it will be. I would like to invite you to SB^3 II it would be great if you can make it. SB^3 was a blast last year and SB^3 II can only be better. I would love to have Drew take a picture of you and I together. I understand if you are busy so if you can’t make it that is ok but if you can’t make it could you send me an autographed picture?


Thanks



Stephen
Stephen(at)stephenthedog.com
http://www.Stephenthedog.com


P.S. What is the deal with the cake plows? Seems like it would just get my fur all sticky.

Annoying

Yesterday my A decided to teach me a lesson. You see I was playing this game where I would see how many times in an hour I could come inside and go back outside. I would go to the door and say “I want to come in” then my A would come and let me in. Once he resumed what he was doing I would go over to him and say “I want to go outside” and he would get up and let me out. I just kept doing this over and over again. It was so much fun plus it is good exercise for my A. I want to keep him in shape so he can take me for walks

Well it turns out my A thought this was annoying and proceeded to give me a lecture on the definition of annoying. The lecture was bad enough but did he really need to stick me on the porch for an hour and make me listen to John Tesh albums to illustrate his point. I know have a firm understand of annoying so I guess it worked. I think the John Tesh was a little much though doesn’t he realize I can hear 10 times better than he can which would John Tesh experience would be 10 times worse than his. Sometimes I wish my A had a little more compassion. He is probably just tired though.

Recently my A has not been sleeping very well. I find this amusing because he falls asleep on the couch and I can lick his head. I am not really sure why I like doing this but it is fun. I am trying to get all the hair off the top of his head and let me tell you I am making progress. When my A is tired he also tends to forget that he has feed me so sometimes I can get him to feed me dinner twice. This is awesome! The only thing better than a bowl of kibble for dinner, is two bowls of kibble for dinner.

I really don’t know why my A is not sleeping well. I try to help him out the best I can. In fact, lately I have been throwing on my David Hasselhoff album as soon as he falls asleep. If he can not sleep to the sweet melodic voice of a gifted performed like David Hasselhoff I don’t know what else I can do to help him. The only other option I can think of is to get a fan and cram air down his throat while he sleeps but that just seems silly. Hopefully he gets a good night sleep tonight so he can drive me to day care tomorrow.

Joey's Birthday Recap

Whew I am finally recovered from Joey’s birthday. Man what a night. We both got out around 1:30, it took me a little longer than expected to knock out the invisible fence.

Once we were out we headed over to Mr. Mailbox’s. Joey pooped on the porch 1st while I played lookout it was his birthday so it’s only fair that he go first. After I pooped on the porch we rang the bell and ran to hide in the bushes. Mr. Mailbox can out in these silly pink bunny pajamas and some green frog slippers. Boy do I wish I never saw that. The image is still burned in my brain. It was so funny to watch him looking around and not see anyone. Once he went back inside we took some mail and shredded it in his yard.

The Postal carrier agreed to give us some of his mail. She knows he is crazy so she helped up out. Having Fort Knox for a mailbox doesn’t help buddy if the guy delivering the gold is willing to sell you out. I am sure there is a life lesson in there somewhere.

After Mr. Mailbox’s we meet up with Clyde and Fenway to hit the swamp. If you ever are going to a swamp be sure to take Fenway that dog knows how to get dirt. I drank a ton of swamp water, man that stuff is good for some reason I am always thirsty. We even had time to chase some frogs. Joey was lucky enough to catch one but we could not decide what to do with it so we let it go.

After the swamp we were all covered with mud so we hit Fenway’s pool for a quick swim. It was tough getting the ladder down but Clyde was able to jump up and grab it with his teeth on only the 3rd try. Hopefully Fenway won’t get into too much trouble for the pool brown. Maybe Fenway’s C won’t even notice.

It was a really long but fun night. I think Joeys had fun. We all got him some pretty sweet presents. I got him a Nintendo DS with some of my internet money.

Happy Birthday Joey!!!!!

Yesterday was my Pal Joey’s birthday. Happy Birthday Joey!

Truthfully I did not realize it was his birthday until Joey’s R told my A last night. That Joey is so modest. Perhaps if I knew I would not have played as rough and limited my biting off of his face. Nah who am I kidding Joey likes it when I pull him around the yard by his face.

I have big plans for celebrating Joey’s birthday. We are going to go out and run around town tonight. I have it all planned out. I am going to start the shower in my A’s bathroom at 1am, once there is enough steam it will blow the GFI outlet connected to the fan in there. Coincidentally my invisible fence is on the breaker so once the GFI pops I am making a run for Joey’s.

Joey has already disabled his fence. I don’t know how he did it but it has been down for a few months. He keeps flaunting it by coming out to the street to greet me when I walk by. I keep telling him not to make it so obvious or his R will fix the fence. He is just so proud of himself though.

Once we are out tonight we are going to Lucie’s to swim in her pool for a while. Then we are off to take giant poops on Mr. Mailbox’s front porch. Yes it is juvenile but who cares it is Joey’s birthday. After that we are going to go drink out of the swamp for a while. Man I love swamp water. From there who knows. We need to be home by 7am when my R gets up but beyond that we will do whatever Joey wants. I have a bone buried in the back of Sparky’s house I am going to show Joey where it is. I am hoping to make it out of the house with a box of my A’s Omaha steaks. I will probably get in trouble for that one but Joey is my best pal so it is worth it. Your best pal only has a birthday once a year so you have to make it count.

Speaking of Birthday’s SB^3 II is fast approaching. Stay tuned for details. You don’t want to miss SB^3 II.

Come on now

As the number on Dog ODDer in the country there is a disturbing trend I need to tell you about. Paid Keyword Blogging
Have you ever been reading a Blog and realize you are getting interesting in what you are reading. You being to focus then all of a sudden the blog goes off on a tangent and the next thing you know there is a hyperlink in there to some site selling gas grills or such.

I find this annoying I start to sympathize with these people and care about what they have to say then bang they try to sell me something. Come on you can’t make up a story about how said it was when you cat died and use it to sell kitty litter. Have some respect.

Sure my ODD (online digital diary) has some ads in it. I call it an ODD because blog is such a stupid term and I don’t want to be labeled a blogger. However when I sell out I make it obvious. Sure I am black but do you really think I know the best dating site for African Americans? I couldn’t case less, I don’t date but I did enjoy the $5 I got for writing that. I am a dog I need money and there are not many good paying dog jobs out there. So from time to time I need to sell out. If an advertiser is dumb enough to pay a dog to write for him then so be it. I will take the money.

I make this pledge to you if I am writing an ad you will know it is an add. Ever you Jimmie63 will be able to tell. I know all the time you have spent in you Mom’s basement searching the internet for Porn and taking whippets makes you a little slow but even you will know when I am writing an ad. Don’t worry I will not trick you into buying an epi-lady or a pocket fisherman.

Come on you bloggers how dumb do you think we are. If I read an entry which has no links and all of a sudden there is a link to some lame site selling sneakers I am not going to buy sneakers and I am pretty sure you did not. Sure advertisers are pumping money into your pockets, but is it worth it? What is your sole worth to you $5? $10? $15? I am not saying I would never sell out but I am sure as heck not going to sell out for $5. Come I can and do steal at least $5 per week out of my A’s wallet. He should really stop leaving it on the table.

If you are going to write an ad write an ad don’t write a story and just dump in a key word. I no longer want to hear about how you went to the store with your best friend Jenny to get new pants because Jenny was sad about losing her pet salamander but instead of going to the store you ended up a buying a waffle iron It is just annoying. It makes me wonder if Jenny really lost her salamander. It is so sad to realize that Jenny probably never even had a salamander. Worse yet she probably does not like salamanders. Is there even a Jenny? JENNY!!

I pride myself on my ODD. I love and nurture it in the hopes it will grow to the point that eventually I will be able to crush all the idiotic sheep running around the internet. Take a stance people . Stand up, don’t be sheep, be yourself write what you want. I probably don’t want to read it anyway but at least you will be original while serving me burgers on my way to a ski trip.

Spring

Well spring is here. I guess that is a good thing my A takes me for more walks when the weather is nice. It is so fun to get outside and be able to run around and not have to worry about snow sticking to my fur. Let me tell you I can get covered in snow. When I run around outside the stuff just freezes to my coat and there is not good way to get it off. Sometimes my A will give me a bath but most often I get to spend alone time on the porch.

The only problem with the warmer months is it makes is difficult for me to train. As you all know I am trying to make the 2010 US Olympic Bobsled team. I don’t want to just make the team I want to win a gold medal. I have been watching Cool Runnings a lot lately and have gotten a few good ideas about how to train during the summer. Too bad John Candy is dead I think he would have been a great resource me for. He sure seemed to know a lot about bobsledding

I have also been watching the Rocky movies. I asked my A the other day if we could get a chicken and start taking weekly trips to the local meat packing plant. He told me no. This guy just does not seem to want to support my Olympic dreams. I only have 2 years to train and he can’t even get me a chicken! Come on how much can a chicken cost. I can get a whole chicken, fried, placed in a box with some corn and mashed potatoes, delivered to me by some minimum wage pimple faced punk for less than $7. How much could a live unprocessed chicken cost? It is kind of a sad commentary on the value of your life if you happen to be a chicken.

Hopefully my A will have a change of heart and get me a chicken. Well I need to get back to my training. That is why I buy all my jewelry at Mia Bella Roba
Mia Bella Roba

Stephenthedog.com

Guess what?

I got my own domain. That is right I now own stephenthedog.com
I figured I needed a more professional touch. It will probably take me forever to move over.

However you can now go to stephenthedog.com and you will be redirected here. That is so much easier to remember than stepehenthedog.blogspot.com. You can also send me email my new address is Stephen (at) stephenthedog.com

I hope you appreciate this effort I have made on your behalf. There is a reason I have the #1 dog ODD in the world.

Thanks

Stephen GDE