ss_blog_claim=bf53c2c2a6b5e4b759eb9b46babec032 Stephen the dog: August 2008

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Stephen the Dog declares for 2008

This weekend we went to my R’s parent’s house. Apparently it is a very nice house or so I am told. I don’t really know since I get to sleep in the garage and am only allowed in one room off the garage. Let me tell you there are some major drawbacks to sleeping a garage. I know jimmy254 things it is cool that he lives in his parents garage but let me tell you it kind of stinks. It is drafty out there and the cars smell a little funny. Plus you have that refrigerator noise to lull you to sleep. I don’t want to complain though. I did get a sweet bone and got to do some swimming.

As you probably have noticed I only update here on average about once a week. I know I should be more diligent but I have so many things going on it is hard to write sometimes. I still have not had my interview for that financial service job. I am going to need to follow with Mr. Noland soon I bet his is just busy reviewing resumes. I am so glad he was able to see my potential though.

I also have had a huge craving for Pringles brand potato crisps lately. I am not really sure why. Do you know why they call them crisps and not chips? It is because they can’t legally call them chips because well they are not chips. Pringles are actually made from a potato paste. That is the only way they can get them all in that weird little shape.

Ok so now that you are up to speed.

On a far more serious note

With the upcoming elections in November I am considering starting an internet campaign. I know there is a long way to go before you can make up you mind on who to vote for and I respect you decision either way. However as of today I am declaring my candidacy. That is right I am running for office. You may ask which office well I am running for all offices. That is right I want your throw away votes. I know how it is, in every election there is a race you don’t care about, don’t have enough info to vote, or don’t like either candidate. Rather than just filling in a circle please take a min and write in Stephen TheDog. Don’t worry I can’t win as the laws will not allow a dog to take office. (that is a fight for another time) However if I can get my name on enough ballots perhaps we can show those people in Washington what a dog with a lot of free time can do.

Politicians often have this air of entitlement. Imagine the message you would send by voting for me. Sure you could write in Elvis or Gilligan but if as a nation we all wrote in Stephen TheDog. That would send a powerful message. Well Mr. Freedman you did win but there was a write in candidate who got 20% of the votes and he’s a dog. Nice job campaigning pal!

Please vote for what you believe in but if you don’t care I say vote for the dog. Show the government that you voters really have a choice. Rally behind the dog!

Stephen the dog for a better America. I bet if I was a Senator I would not have to sleep in the garage.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Reply to Mr. Noland

Mr Noland,

Thank you for taking the time to review my resume. I would have to agree with you that I would make a great fit for the Financial Services Representative position you are looking to fill.

Ever since I was a puppy I have been interested in the Financial Services Industry. In an effort to better understand money I have even gone so far as to eat several dollar bills. I can tell you this they don’t taste like chicken but are much better than matches. I have also spent considerable time working on my own personal finances.

During my impetuous youth I ran into a slight issue where I chewed through a seatbelt. At the time I did this I had no income and no prospects for income. I was pretty much relying on my A to put food in my bowl twice a day. This incident opened my eyes and since then I have accomplished all that you see on my resume. I am very proud of the fact that I have been able to pay off my seatbelt debt and in fact have exponentially increase my personal net worth since the time of the incident. This incident was a true turning point in my life

Unfortunately I have been unable to call Mary McHugh, as you suggested to schedule an interview. As you are most likely aware dogs do not have opposable thumbs so we can’t dial phones unless they have really big keypads. I have a giant keypad phone on order but it won’t be here for a few days. Don’t worry though if part of this job requires me to dial a phone I will bring the giant keypad phone I just ordered to work with me. I know you are taking a chance on me so I don’t want to be treated any different than any other employee. I would not think of asking you to provide special office equipment for me.

I am certainly looking forward to meeting you and discussing career opportunities in your office. Currently my A works 8-5pm which leaves me without a car. I did ask him if he would mind taking a day off to drive me to the interview. Unfortunately he told me that unless I started to play fetch with him he would not take the time off to drive me. Obviously the easy thing for me to do would be to play fetch but that game is so demeaning I just won’t do it and I don’t think you would want to hire a dog that would play fetch anyway.

Would it be possible to do an interview after 6:30pm? Or even better you could come to my house and we could do the interview there. I am home all day every day except Wednesday’s when I go to Doggy Day Care, which ever day works best for you is fine with me. I will be able to afford a car or at least afford to pay the Doggie Day Care bus lady to drive me to work once I get the job but for now I am stuck without transportation.

Thanks again for this great opportunity. I am chasing my tail in excitement. I really think being a Financial Services Representative will be a great opportunity for me and I am sure I will be an asset to your organization.

I am enclosing a picture with this email so you will be able to recognize me when we meet. If I have learned anything in business it is being able to recognize and associate a name with the face you are meeting goes a long way towards building a successful relationship


Stephen TheDog
Future Financial Services Representative
Strategic Financial Partners

P.S. Would is be possible to get an autographed photo.

I got an interview

So last week I posted my resume on and in addition to the mountains of junk email I am now getting I got an interview request. This is a great first step. I am going to make a great Financial Services Representative.

Hi Stephen

My name is Glenn Noland, Managing Partner for Strategic Financial Partners of New England Financial, a MetLife company. I recently reviewed your resume on Monster and your background would be a great fit for the Financial Services Representative position that we are looking to fill. I would like to set up a time with you to discuss career opportunities with our company in our Waltham office. Please click HERE to schedule your interview or contact Mary McHugh at (444)788-4650 or reply to this email with the date and time that you will be available to interview. I look forward to the opportunity to meet you soon!


Glenn Noland

Managing Partner

Strategic Financial Partners

New England Financial, A MetLife Company

Vicroty Hair

I am a dog so I hear a lot of stupid things. People don’t tend to think we dogs are paying attention but we are. We listen to you people and often it is all we can do not to laugh at you people. The other day I was walking around and heard this guy try to pick up a girl with the following line “I like Tomato soup”. That just makes no sense. Come on Tomato soup? A much better line would be look at the cute dog over there I bet he would let us pet him. Even better would be “I have a dog biscuit would you like to give it to the cute dog over there”

The tomato soup line will definitely keep you from achieving Victory Hair. You know when you hair is so good you can’t help but engaging people.

VO5 is having some Ultimate Flirting Championship ultimate flirting championship thing. If you think you have victory hair you should check it out.

I love
Extreme Style by VO5 it rocks. I use VO5 on my hair all the time and it make me look so good. You have to admit I do look good

Sponsored by Extreme Style by VO5

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My Resume is on Monster

As you all know I am in the process of looking for a job. I have come to realize that just being cute will not pay the bills. After contacting Joey’s R about finding a job I realized that god helps those who help themselves.

I just watched “Facing the Giants” with my A and R so I am a little fired up about god lately. If you have not seen the movie you should definitely check it out. I will have to say it is the best movie put out by a Southern Baptist church that I have ever seen. I though the best part was when the scrawny little kid kicked the field goal to beat the Giants. I you won’t even believe the name of this kid. It was David the symbolism it just awesome a tiny kid named David flinging a football to defeat the Giants how awesome is that.

So in an effort to help myself I have posted the following resume on Hopefully I will find a job soon.

Stephen TheDog
7 Bark Lane, Barkington DE, 17753

Background Summary
Dynamic Dog with extensive experience in a wide variety of fields.
· Letter Writing
· Internet commentary
· Archeology
· Entrepenureal idea development
· Marketing consulting
· Digging
· Sled Pulling

StephentheDog Industires LLC
since 2005

President, Barkington DE
· Incorporated in Delaware SDI focuses on developing industrial solutions for a changing world. We have successfully developed and patented Nut Silo as well as several other world class ideas which are in various stages of the patent process

Since 2007

Marketing consultant,
· Contributed originally marketing ideas and press releases for multiple products.
· Highest Grossing dog ODDer since July 07.
· Responsible for the exponential growth of internet Goth dating.
Since April 2007

· Responsible for site design and content. Stephenthedog,com is the number on Dog run website on the internet.
· Lead historical research resulting in new theory on why Americans drive on the right.


Puppy Kindergarten- Especially for Pets
Finished 1st in class
Graduate Puppy- Especially for Pets
Finished 1st in class
Beginner Agility- Master Peace
Intermediate Obedience- Master Peace
Certified Canine Good Citizen
Certified Canine Swimmer -HTDDC

· Currently working on assembling my own museum quality Cow Skeleton.
· Chewing stuff
· Real Estate Speculation
· Walking
· Welcoming joggers passing the house

· Multilingual (Barking and written Englsih).

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Matches do not Taste like Chicken

It has been one of those days, long and kind of boring. I was home today with not much to do other than watch tv and eat stuff. I am not supposed to eat stuff but sometimes I like to pretend I am on a deserted island and starving to death. You never know when the ability to eat socks will save your life.

Well today I was walking around the house thinking about what I would eat if my A never came home. If only I had opposable thumbs I could open the refrigerator or even better open the door and go outside and play. Unfortunately god did not bless me with thumbs so I am stuck inside. I did notice a box of matches sitting on a table. I figured matches are made of wood which is like a plant. I like to eat grass so maybe wood might be ok plus, I was in the mood for something spicy. So I tried a few of them. I picked up the box and carried it over to my bed.

I like to eat stuff on my bed because what is my A gonna do if I he catches me? Send me to bed? Ha I am already on my bed! Anyway I started to eat the matches, in case you are wondering they do not taste like chicken, in fact they are kind of gross. I got through like 3 of them and decided I don’t like matches. I wonder if my poop will be inflammable now?

No that is not a typo Jimmie357, inflammable means capable of being set on fire. I understand you have developed quite a sense of self worth what with recently being elected king of your Mom’s basement and all. However I would appreciate it if you did a little more research before telling me I am wrong.

How cool would it be to go take a poop on Mr. Mailboxes front steps and have it catch fire when he steps on it. Hmm maybe eating matches is a better idea then I thought. I might have to research this further. Does anyone have any water? I have this weird sulfur taste in my mouth I can’t get rid of. Ha

Friday, August 8, 2008

Response from Joey's R

Dear Stephen -

Thank you for contacting me about your job search. The current economicsituation has hit many people and while I am not an expert in the canine job marketI think it is safe to assume your struggle to find a position is a common tail (punintended). Having said that, you are correct that I am always looking for superior talent towork with. Since you live in the area, have spent many productive hours runningaround my yard and barking at me I know your strengths and quality of character. I'm happy to say that I will do what I can to assist you in your search for gainfulemployment.

The demand in the job market for dogs is a mixed bag. On the one hand there aren'tmany jobs out there for dogs but on the other hand the ones I know about seem to begreat opportunities. Case in point is one position I'm aware of for a Sled Dog (seethe attached job description). As I see it, this is a great position for you. Youlove being outside, you love to run and you love to be near other dogs (Joey's limpis a testament to this) . What could be better that a 15 mile run with 9 other dogsall pulling together? And if I'm not mistaken, I've seen your A fit you with a dogsled harness already so you may already have some experience (should this be on yourresume?). You would be feed very well. You must be wondering if you would be the Lead Dog. From what I'm told every dog is given the opportunity to attain Lead Dog status but it does require the right amountof experience and training. This is great since I know you are goal-oriented. Itgives you something to aspire to. Goals are important.

I look forward to hearing what you think.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Looking for a Job

Dear Joey’s R

Recently Joey informed me that you were a headhunter. After some initial shock and terror I have come to realize that you are a guy who finds people jobs and not a psychopath who hangs the heads of the defenseless on his wall. As Joey may or may not have told you I am currently between positions. I have a few ideas up in the air but none of them have really taken off yet.

This being said I am open to looking for a job in corporate America. I have spent some time looking on my own but have been hitting a brick wall. It seems that most companies do not hire dogs. In fact many of my kind have been forced to work for free. Do you know what the average guide dog makes? They make nothing they are not even paid. Apparently keeping blind people from being flattened by semi trucks is not a service people are willing to pay for.

Do you know what an avalanche rescue dog makes? Again nothing apparently being dug out from under 20ft of suffocating snow is not even worth minimum wage. These are the issues I am running into. There just does not seem to be any good work out there.

Seeing as you are a head hunter, (not the kind who hangs heads on a wall) I was wondering if you would be willing to help me in my job search. I have extensive experience in Marketing and New Media as well and some experience in security work. I assure you I am employable I just need a chance.

I know you recruiter guys are always looking for clients so I am assuming you will add me to you client list. I am attaching my resume for you review.

Looking forward to a productive job search



P.S. would it be possible to get an autographed photo?

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